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shawn
Moderator
91 Posts |
 Posted - 07/24/2010 : 8:42:37 PM
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| Im noticing my derealization gets worse as the sun goes down. thats when things get trippy for me, and I begin to feel that disconnected feeling. Can any one else relate to the DR getting worse at certain times of the day? |
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shawn
Moderator
91 Posts |
Posted - 07/24/2010 : 8:54:17 PM
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| I dont get it, I felt good ALL DAY...now my brain feels like its back on an acid trip again..This feeling causes me to panic soo much. At times I can ignore it..other times it is overwhelming...Right now it is overwhelming!! I feel like Im way to far gone to make it back...I hate this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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kattklaws
Administrator
372 Posts |
Posted - 07/24/2010 : 9:31:08 PM
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Shawn,
I have the opposite. If I am gong to have head symptoms they hit me when I first wake up, I wake up feeling mentally ill or like a bad acid trip.
I have to say though that after I got into my taper, all my head stuff went away........I just had a blip with it because of a new generic refill.
As you get lower, that head stuff will start to go when you get into a rhythm, it will clear up, I promise........
(((((((((Shawn)))))))))))
Love to ya,
Karen |
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shawn
Moderator
91 Posts |
Posted - 07/25/2010 : 06:17:58 AM
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Woke up feeling very foggy today..Not even going for my run. My left ear is still hissing and my jaw is still aching...I wish this flare up would die down.
My ear began hissing in early march..this is around the time I was dx'd with TMJ..and my tmj specialist said it was caused by one of the tendons connected to my middle ear and jaw...but it comes and goes..and this is around the time panic began to get bad for me again after being settled down for a while..(before I started tapering at all) So, to anyone out there...do you think this could all have been a product of tolerance maybe?
The tinnitus...comes and goes..I can have stretches up to 2 weeks with it totally gone! then it will come back again...my TMJ doc had me press on my forehead to see if the tinnitus changes pitch...it does when I press...he said thats how you can tell if it is that jaw tendon causing it.
Idk..I do know it is very annoying.
Anyways, I talked about something lastnight with someone from here that I have never discussed with anyone really. Which I believe is the root of my anxiety problems. I had nightmares all night lastnight. (this is why Im up soo early..got up at 5:30am)
But it felt soo good to get some things out lastnight. This showed me I DO need professional therapy with some issues I have. After the benzo's are gone I will have to deal with it anyways. I might as well have another tool (therapist) in my tool bag!
I am looking forward to starting my titration tomorrow...nervous but excited at the same time...nervous because of my last experience..excited because I know this time Will be a lot better!!
I hope everyone has a GREAT day!! |
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Edited by - shawn on 07/25/2010 06:21:12 AM |
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shawn
Moderator
91 Posts |
Posted - 07/25/2010 : 08:56:27 AM
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gotta love arguing with the spouse first thing in the morning. I tried to explain to her I didnt feel like going to church as I am very very foggy headed this morning with a TON of DR going on this morning because I did not sleep well...she said I am using this as an excuse now. Then walked out and SLAMNED the DOOR!! I am using this as an excuse??? I wish it was that easy!!! This in turn has just made me feel 100X worse in terms of anxiety...I never thought I would say this, But I am falling out of love with her. How can anyone be soo cruel when they know damn well you are trying to come off of one of the most addictive substances in the world!???
When I woke up today after a night full of nightmares I actually decided to try to talk to her about something I never talked to her about, the root cause of my anxiety. In hopes that it would bring us closer if she knew some stuff..when her attitude began this morning I decided that was not gonna happen. It's as if she doesn't want to be around me anymore.
Maybe I should just stay on the fkin benzo and just leave well enough alone!!!! None of this started with her and me until I began tapering a few months ago..I just dont understand it. I've tried and tried..I just dont get it!!!!!!!
Every day it seems to get worse and worse (her and I) If we didn't have a child I would leave in a heartbeat!
I dont think I can do this while living with her..there is NO WAY |
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Edited by - shawn on 07/25/2010 12:17:26 PM |
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kattklaws
Administrator
372 Posts |
Posted - 07/25/2010 : 12:50:15 PM
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Shawn,
First of all, I am so sorry you had to have a fight first thing in the morning. It is SO hard when you are fighting all you have to fight plus a non-supportive spouse. I breaks my heart for you.........
I too have tmj, but finally got a great splint, tmj is what got me in pain management and thus my decent into hell......
I know it feels like everything is falling apart right now.......and it is, but know that you are cared for and we are all on board with you, YOU are in the right and your wife is NOT being a wife. I have had that issue so much with my hubby and they are NOT in the right when they act out.
Love to you,
Karen
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shawn
Moderator
91 Posts |
Posted - 07/25/2010 : 11:54:38 PM
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| I guess I have to learn to Not let it affect me soo much. It's just hard. But Im going to have to be the bigger person for right now and not feed into her BS..Especially not while I am tapering. I am praying she will realize this is doing us no good. we'll see I guess |
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shawn
Moderator
91 Posts |
Posted - 07/26/2010 : 07:33:06 AM
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Ok so I made my first cut today!!!! I have one question. I let it sit in the fridge over night and shook it like CRAZY lastnight a few times and shook it up again this morning. I then made my breakfast, fed my kid, and then went to take my dose. When I drank it, there was a yellow sludge on the bottom of the jar!!! did I not mix it well enough? This concerns me.
I did however get it all..like was suggested to me earlier I poured water in the jar and shook it around (after drinking the drug milk) and then drank the water..
Is seeing this yellow sludge on the bottom normal? |
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Edited by - shawn on 07/26/2010 07:53:18 AM |
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Jean
New Member
20 Posts |
Posted - 07/26/2010 : 11:28:55 AM
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Hi Shawn, this sludge concerned me at first too. Jana said it was filler and binder not the Klonopin. She said benzo is a crystal so you can't see it. I always just shake it up more and drink it up. Congrats on your Mod position!
Jean |
1 mg. Klonopin. Gradually updosed over last 12 years. Originally taken for panic attacks. |
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kattklaws
Administrator
372 Posts |
Posted - 07/26/2010 : 12:08:07 PM
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Shawn,
Yes the sludge is normal, depending on the maker and dyes.
You can shake all you want but the dye will always fall to the bottom, it is NOT the benzo, the benzo is a crystaline powder so you cannot see it. You did it just right, don't worry and you have to swish the jar out with water anyway.
Good job on getting started!
Love and prayers,
Karen |
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shawn
Moderator
91 Posts |
Posted - 07/26/2010 : 1:37:32 PM
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| Thank you Jean and Karen. Karen I recall you telling me the filler does not disolve all the way, but I wasnt sure if thats all it was..it looked like a lot down there..thank you ..both of you :) |
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